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can a ex-hype/new square still hustle???
onthemend53188

okay, so having since sworn off skag, after having kicked my habit, which entails all that fun stuff that goes with it (the sick) i've become just another working stiff, punch in, punch out, yes sir, yes ma'am...but before, when i was using, i never worked; i stole, i robbed, i conned, i hustle (roses down the ave of the dead). yesterday i was approached about aquiring someone a little white powder, not much, just a ball (3.5 grams), and without even thinking i said yes, "i'll meet you at" such-n-such location "in an hour". i figured, i'm clean, and i never really liked blow, i was a hype, not a tweeker, and god knows i could use the extra money....so i go to the spot, all the while i'm fine, i'm not relapsing, i just scoring some blow for someone, no biggy....right? anyway, i get the stuff on consignment, drop it off.....and just as soon as that money hit my palm i knew i fucked up....paycheck money is different for me, i use it to pay the bills...drug money....it felt grainy beneath my finger tips, made my mouth water, old thoughts swirled like a fucking tidal wave, "why even go back, just take this money and set up shop, one hit and sell the rest"...i pushed those thoughts away, went back to the spot, paid the debt, and that fuck had some skag, i don't know how much, but he rattled em around in his closed fist like dice in a crap-game, i could hear the foil bag clink against one another, "need something for the big hurt?" he asked...sweat boiled out of me..."fuck you" i said walking out....i thought i was gonna have a panic attack out on the street, i wanted to do something wreakless, i wanted a rush to qwell my nerves, i ran, i likely looked like a theif or some shit...i ran until i was out of breath....just cause you quit doing dope doesn't mean you're cured, i won't be putting myself in that type of situation again.....oh, R.I.P. macho man, i think i'll go and snap into a slim jim



sleep anyone
onthemend53188
so, is it just me, or is nearly fucking impossible to get a "full nights sleep" , whatever the fuck that is, even after you're not dopesick anymore. i know a kid whose been clean for almost two years off scag and he said that shit can last for months....i guy can only take so many walks, journal so much, watch so much bullshit T.V., listen to so much music and pace the carpets only so much. i talk to people about insomnia, they all say the same thing; go to medical, get some little pills that'll push you off into dreamland....i have nothing against people who pop pills, i've done my share, but at this point anyway, i don't think any drugs, needed or not are a good idea...cuz i mean c'mon, it's not that big of a strech. for me anyway, from taking a little pill to "get rid of my problem" to spike a vein....maybe that's just me, but i'm not even blowing grass anymore, cuz you know, fuck it, i went the route of having dope hold my hand through every little problem, what am i afriad of; facing life sober is gonna kill me? i don't think so

one love

b
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

First Post
onthemend53188
Welcome, i started this community for people with a drug problem to convey their experience. how silly will i feel if no one post's, eh, fuck it, right? anyway, post what you're going through, trust me when i say that there are people going through the same thing as you, and we can learn from one another; what works, what doesn't, tools to cope with everything from withdrawal, cravings, bordem....the possibilities are endless....myself, i am a recovering heroin addict, i was a heavy IV user for 14+ years and just recently kicked my habit cold turkey, so i can use your imput just as much as anyone else...anyway, welcome, all comments and question will be posted

b

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo