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can a ex-hype/new square still hustle???
onthemend53188 wrote in nopetodope64

okay, so having since sworn off skag, after having kicked my habit, which entails all that fun stuff that goes with it (the sick) i've become just another working stiff, punch in, punch out, yes sir, yes ma'am...but before, when i was using, i never worked; i stole, i robbed, i conned, i hustle (roses down the ave of the dead). yesterday i was approached about aquiring someone a little white powder, not much, just a ball (3.5 grams), and without even thinking i said yes, "i'll meet you at" such-n-such location "in an hour". i figured, i'm clean, and i never really liked blow, i was a hype, not a tweeker, and god knows i could use the extra money....so i go to the spot, all the while i'm fine, i'm not relapsing, i just scoring some blow for someone, no biggy....right? anyway, i get the stuff on consignment, drop it off.....and just as soon as that money hit my palm i knew i fucked up....paycheck money is different for me, i use it to pay the bills...drug money....it felt grainy beneath my finger tips, made my mouth water, old thoughts swirled like a fucking tidal wave, "why even go back, just take this money and set up shop, one hit and sell the rest"...i pushed those thoughts away, went back to the spot, paid the debt, and that fuck had some skag, i don't know how much, but he rattled em around in his closed fist like dice in a crap-game, i could hear the foil bag clink against one another, "need something for the big hurt?" he asked...sweat boiled out of me..."fuck you" i said walking out....i thought i was gonna have a panic attack out on the street, i wanted to do something wreakless, i wanted a rush to qwell my nerves, i ran, i likely looked like a theif or some shit...i ran until i was out of breath....just cause you quit doing dope doesn't mean you're cured, i won't be putting myself in that type of situation again.....oh, R.I.P. macho man, i think i'll go and snap into a slim jim